Friday, February 10, 2023

Inviting Jesus to a Lego Building Party

I am coming to an unpleasant realization that forces me to acknowledge something that I’d rather not admit: I misplace a lot of things. In the midst of that, though, I have also come to believe that Jesus delights in helping me find the things I misplace. And the only conclusion I have been able to come up with is that the things that matter to me—though from the outside I’m sure they must seem so insignificant—matter to Jesus.

 

Why would that be?

 

I mean, we are talking about Jesus of Whom it is said, “He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power.” (Hebrews 1:3 ESV) He upholds the universe, friends. Not just my family, or our nation, or even this earth. The universe. Colossians 1:17 (ESV) says something similar, “And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.” (For a more extensive description, check out Job chapters 38-41.) Doesn’t it just absolutely blow your mind that this same Divine, Supreme, Creator-Savior Being desires intimate relationship with you?

 

Okay, so back to my personal problem. Some of the more memorable items Jesus has helped me find are my wedding/engagement/mother rings and a church check book.

 

Many years ago I worked as the office admin for a church that was in the middle of a building project and one of my jobs was to write checks for large sums of money to architects and contractors (as well as to various missionaries and for the utility bills and such). So I would have to carry the check book with me sometimes. And then one day, I couldn’t find it. I don’t remember all the steps in my thought process that led me to locate it in my car’s glove box but I do remember being keenly aware that my thoughts had been divinely guided to the point of thinking to look there.

 

My wedding ring was once my maternal great grandmother’s (passed down through two other women to me). My husband’s uncle created my engagement ring to match the 22k gold of that heirloom. My mother ring was a gift to me from my husband on my first Mother’s Day after God gave us our oldest son following many years of infertility. When I couldn’t find them for several days, I was distraught, to say the least. I posted on facebook and asked people to pray with me which felt risky because what if they never turned up? Would someone’s faith be shattered?

 

This missing item case was where the Holy Spirit gave me a lens through which to filter these losses. I realized that Jesus knew exactly where these things were located. And He also knew whether I actually needed to find them. In other words, He could catch my heart and make me okay if they never turned up. I look back on this as the point in time that I first began to realize that, to Him, these incidents were about drawing me into relationship, into an experience of His presence with me.

 

Fast forward a bit and one of my children is frantically trying to get a last-minute school assignment completed and asking for my help in the wee hours of the morning. I was annoyed. I want my children to desire relationship with me, not just look to me to come through for them in their moments of desperation.

 

In an effort to check for the plank in my eye before going off on the speck in my child’s eye (not that I always do this, but the Spirit’s prompting must have been blatant on this particular occasion), I went to my Heavenly Father, “is this how I relate to You?”

 

His gentle answer was, of course, yes. All too often, I ask Him for what I desperately feel I need (like finding a missing item) and even if I remember to thank Him for granting my request I quickly move on to the next thing.

 

Ouch.

 

Fast forward a little further. My youngest has asked me to help him rebuild a bunch of different Lego sets that had been taken apart and the pieces all dumped together. As we are going about this project, we are often searching for that one specific piece that can’t really be substituted. Pretty early on, he began suggesting that we should pray and ask God to help us find it*. Would you believe that nearly every time, we find that piece within a matter of minutes, if not seconds?

 

I began feeling a bit uneasy about this and took it to Jesus to ask if He really was okay with how we were going about this. I received a mental picture that I believe was His answer to my question.

 

The picture was of Jesus, in the flesh, sitting right there on the floor with us helping us build the Lego set and we’re all searching for that piece and He’s just the one with the knack for finding all those seemingly lost ones. Like, I could almost hear Him saying, “Ha! I found it.” But He didn’t just pop in for that one moment to find that piece and then make Himself scarce. He was sitting there for the whole Lego Building Party with us, interacting all throughout.

 

And this is the idea that I am seeking to carry with me into any and every other part of my day: realizing that Jesus is actually fully present with me for all of it.

 

The other day as I was facing behavioral challenges with one of my children in the car, I let myself imagine Jesus right there in the passenger seat, entering into the dialogue. And just last night, as my husband was drifting off to sleep after our final conversation and I turned my attention to conversation with Jesus, I felt a twinge of regret, wondering if He would feel like I was turning to Him only after everyone else had gone to sleep. But He reminded me of late night times with my siblings or a group of friends who one by one turn in for the night and in the end there are just two of you left and that’s sometimes the deepest conversation of them all. In other words, He had been there as Joseph and I were chatting and He was just still there and the conversation was going to turn to something He and I would only talk about when it was just the two of us.

 

There is a term for this: practicing the presence of God. It is clearly something Jesus is inviting me into a deeper experience of in this season of my journey of faith. He prompted a dear friend to give me a treasure of a little book** on the topic last year and I have just been digesting a few paragraphs here and there and then trying to put them into practice. Sometimes, it looks like, “Jesus, come into this mess!” Other times, it’s a more peaceful, “wow, Jesus, You’re here!”

 

I pray that even today you will begin to experience Immanuel (God with us) in a deeper way than ever before. And that it will awaken a deeper desire for that day we are anticipating that John describes so powerfully in the book of Revelation (chapter 21, verses 3-5 and 22-23),

 

“Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.”

 

And I saw no temple in the city, for its temple is the Lord God the Almighty and the Lamb. And the city has no need of sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and its lamp is the Lamb.

 

Come quickly, Lord Jesus!!!

 

*It seems I am known for this practice in my family. And yes, I even pray for good parking spaces. :)
** The Practice of the Presence of God in Modern English by Brother Lawrence

Saturday, November 4, 2017

Present with the Lord

As for the saints in the land,
they are the excellent ones,
in whom is all my delight.
~ Psalm 16:3 ~

We are confident, I say,
and willing rather to be absent from the body,
and to be present with the Lord.
~ 2 Corinthians 5:8 ~

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.
~ Psalm 116:15 ~ 


Today we will gather to celebrate the life of one of the Lord's saints. Our beloved Sam Parks. I was suddenly awakened this morning and when I asked the Spirit why, words began to come to me, words of what Sam had meant to me personally and I knew I needed to actually put them down permanently somewhere. I process thoughts and feelings through writing, though I'm sure that is not news to anyone who might read this.

And yet somehow, now that I am actually sitting here with the keyboard in front of me, it's all just a jumbled mess of tears.

Sam has filled a fathering role in my life. He has beautifully reflected to me the heart of my Heavenly Father by bestowing benediction and validation. That's a fancy way of saying he was proud of me and believed in me. He saw my heart. As I write that, I realize he is perhaps the person I have felt least misunderstood by. Ever. And for a gal who has felt profoundly misunderstood at times in her life, that's a pretty big deal.

One of the ways Sam saw me was in my desire to be a mother. I know he was interceding for me before the Giver of all good gifts. (And I am thankful he lived to see the three beautiful answers to those prayers that God has given to us.) I remember one Sunday as I was sharing my longing and broken heart with him, he looked at me and said, "you know what? I think it's time to pursue adoption." We had always been open to adoption but the Spirit used Sam's urging to realize it was indeed time to move in that direction.


Affirming words. They speak love to me. Sam offered them freely. And oh, how loved I have felt.

I remember a time when Sam was experiencing some health challenges. As I recall, things were looking rather uncertain as to whether he would pull through. I felt panic. I cried out to Jesus. I remember saying something like, "I can totally understand why you would want him with you. And why he would want to be with you. But, selfishly speaking, we are not ready to let him go! We need him here." I don't pretend to know the reasons for the exact number of days God had ordained for Sam Parks, but I am eternally grateful that He heard and granted my plea. And though I miss Sam fiercely, I am much more ready to say goodbye now than I was then.

That was probably around the time when my relationship with my Daddy was at its peak of brokenness (and I know my part in that). Sam filled a void and was a very present father to me. The gentle way he offered his wise, godly counsel made it all the more compelling. The pride I could see he felt for who I was as a woman seeking Jesus, made me want to press into Christ all the more.

When I picture Sam in my mind's eye, there is an expression I see that brings a smile to my face. It is of his eyebrows raised and he is saying, "Really?" Something about that captures some of the essence of who I know Sam to be: always ready to learn something new.

Most of my experience with Sam (and I have known him for almost 20 years now) is of a calm, gentle man. But I know he had fiery sparks in there, too. I caught glimpses of them every once in awhile and I knew he wouldn't shrink back from fighting for what he was passionate about.

There is one thing that stands out to me as one of Sam's deepest desires. He spoke of this passion often. It was for his children. He earnestly longed - and faithfully prayed - for all of them to know and experience the love and presence of God as he had. And as I have had opportunity to spend time with many of his children over the years, I see God honoring those prayers. And Sam's faithful walk with Jesus, lived out before them, has played no small part in that.

There is another way Sam blessed me personally: it is the way he loved my husband and was able to speak into his life. We would go and spend weekends with Sam and Bobbie. They were lavish and generous in their hospitality. We felt like royalty. And it was in those times, sitting around their living room, at their table, in their yard, wherever, that Joseph would open up about things going on in his life and Sam (and Bobbie, too!) would be able to speak things over him that he was somehow able to receive. They would often be things I had been praying for him but knew he would not be able to hear from me. I know it is because of how loved and accepted he has been (and felt) by these two that even their admonition was received by him with an open mind, ear and heart. And it kind of scares me just a little bit to see the loss of that father figure in my husband's life.

We have lost someone so very dear to us. In truth, we have been losing him bit by bit for some time now. I am eternally thankful for the time we have had here in Boise to walk with him through this last season of his life here on earth. He remained steadfast to the end. At at time when words often failed him, he would still pray over our meals and it brought such encouragement to know Jesus' presence was still very real to Sam.

Something about our daughter, Zoe, really impacted Sam in his last year of life. Her name means life and somehow it seems that she brought a spark of that to his days. At a time when he was struggling to recall Joseph's name, he still always recognized her and his face would light up. In fact, one of the last few times we saw him, he was pretty withdrawn, not really interacting. But Zoe ran across the room in front of him and he perked up for a split second, long enough to exclaim, "Zoe!"


In July, we were surprised by the arrival of a son. He is primarily named after two Samuels (though there are quite a few other Sams who have confirmed that name for us). Samuel, the prophet you read of in the Bible, and our precious Sam Parks.


Tomorrow my baby Sam will be four months old. And already I am seeing some of that sweet, sensitive and long suffering spirit in him that I saw in his namesake. Thank you, Jesus, for that sweet gift.



For instance, we know that when these bodies of ours are taken down like tents and folded away,
they will be replaced by resurrection bodies in heaven—God-made, not handmade—
and we’ll never have to relocate our “tents” again.
Sometimes we can hardly wait to move—and so we cry out in frustration.
Compared to what’s coming,
living conditions around here seem like a stopover in an unfurnished shack,
and we’re tired of it!
We’ve been given a glimpse of the real thing, our true home, our resurrection bodies!
The Spirit of God whets our appetite by giving us a taste of what’s ahead.
He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we’ll never settle for less.

That’s why we live with such good cheer.
You won’t see us drooping our heads or dragging our feet!
Cramped conditions here don’t get us down.
They only remind us of the spacious living conditions ahead.
It’s what we trust in but don’t yet see that keeps us going.
Do you suppose a few ruts in the road or rocks in the path are going to stop us?
When the time comes, we’ll be plenty ready to exchange exile for homecoming.

But neither exile nor homecoming is the main thing.
Cheerfully pleasing God is the main thing, and that’s what we aim to do, regardless of our conditions.
~ from 2 Corinthians 5 ~
 

SURPRISE

In the wee hours of July 5, 2017 we were thoroughly surprised (after a whirlwind labor and delivery) to discover this baby we had been calling Phoebe Violet for 20 weeks was, in fact, a sturdy BOY.


Without further ado (and because there is another post I need to write this morning), we introduce to you:

SAMUEL LEWIS


born at 1:22 a.m. on July 5, 2017 and weighed 8 lbs. 4 oz. and measured 21 inches.


After a brief (5 day) visit to the NICU (for breathing/feeding/jaundice issues), we brought our sweet boy home and have been enjoying him more each day since then.

 A Family of FIVE

Caleb and Zoe are wonderful siblings to Sam, very attentive and affectionate.


After only four short months we cannot imagine our family without this sensitive, long suffering little soul. He fills a void we didn't even realize existed and we could not love a Phoebe more than we do our Sammy.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

No Way to Catch Up

As I believe I indicated, I had hopes of getting back to more regular blogging to help friends and family not on social media keep up with our new baby (they change so much in even just a year).

Alas, the combination of that new baby (aka Zoe or #zoezerf), as well as another pregnancy (aka Banzo or #banzozerf), not to mention keeping up with our !ten! year old (aka BroBro or #calebzerf) has served as an invitation for me to live in the present (aka real life) rather than focusing on recording it.

With our second baby girl due any day now, I figured I will want to at least post an announcement of her arrival like I did with Zoe. So before doing that, I thought I'd just toss up the very few pictures of the four of us we have managed to collect over the last year.

July 4, 2016
July 31, 2016 - Zoe's Baptism
July 31, 2016 - Zoe's Baptism
December 2016 - FIXMAS (Christmas with Elizabeth's Family)
The 4 of Us Plus Baby #3

Friday, March 4, 2016

Family of Four


Perhaps some day I will get around to blogging the birth story. I know not everyone can say these things but it really was all I had hoped for and in the end, we were holding a healthy baby girl. We are so very grateful.

Among our birth team was our amazing birth photographer, who doubled as an outstanding doula, Grace. I'm pretty sure she would tell you she is a doula first and I wouldn't disagree. Being on this side of the experience, though, I almost think I am more thankful for her gifts in the area of photography. We have a beautiful slideshow video that I have watched countless times already, not to mention a whole disc of photos that captured the experience beautifully.

As it happened, Grace was on call the day of Zoe's birth for another family as well. She had to leave very shortly after Zoe's made her grand debut as their baby also decided to arrive on March 2nd. This meant that she wasn't able to get very many pictures of brand new Zoe. In the end, I think we got the best end of the deal because she came back two days later and we were able to get some really fun, still very newborn pictures.

One of the things we wanted was an updated version of a family picture we had taken the morning I was in labor.

Then, we wanted some pictures of tiny Zoe:
she comes by this furrowed brow honestly - Daddy and Mama each have their own version, Zoe has both

 And finally, we wanted some of us bonding as a family of four:
Mother and Daughter
Father and Daughter
Big Brother and Little Sister

I have loved seeing how Zoe has responded to Joseph from the time she was growing inside me. It was no different when they were face to face. She responds so quickly to his soothing ways with her.
Daddy has the touch
even in her sleep, her brow is furrowed


We are smitten! She's a keeper!!!
calming our new little one
studying every little detail
Caleb is contemplating what all this means
All Photos Courtesy of New Mercies Birth Doula Services

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

She's Here!

Zoe Elizabeth
March 2, 2016 ~ 4:25 p.m.
7 pounds 12 ounces ~ 21.5 inches

Photo Credit: New Mercies Birth Doula Services

 


Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Hope Deferred, Desires Fulfilled

By last night I was "under the wait." (I'm borrowing from the phrase "under the pain" and adapting it.) I remember during some years where I was living with chronic pain in my body, periodically I would get under it -- that sort of breaking point where I just thought I couldn't go on like that. I've seen it with a sister-in-law I walked through a couple of childbirths with -- sometimes back to back contractions, or some unexpected information would get her under the pain and it would take several contractions to get back into her rhythm.

That basically describes where I was by the end of the day yesterday with waiting to meet my baby girl face to face.

On Friday morning I had three or four hours of pre-labor contractions that were decidedly different than all the Braxton Hicks I have been having for months now. As much as I tried telling myself, "these could go away and it could still be weeks till you actually go into labor," there was no way around it. It got my hopes up.

I did okay for a couple of days, just kind of wondering if they would come back and move on to the real deal.

Then came February 29th: Leap Day. Joseph and I both realized we really like the idea of a "Leapling." And so even throughout the night before I was kind of holding my breath wondering at every twinge, "is this something more?"

And by the time we crawled into bed and it had been nothing more than an ordinary day (perhaps with a little extra fatigue), I was disheartened. Seriously bummed might be more accurate.

And then came a profound question, posed by a dear friend: "is Jesus wanting to take you back into a few of those yet-aching places as you once again find yourself waiting for a child? if so, I guarantee it is to bring you greater healing and ultimately, increasing joy."

Wow. And yes. I had no doubt the answer was yes and began to pray and ask Him about it.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life. A desire fulfilled is sweet to the soul...
~Proverbs 13:12, 19

I believe there is much to be explored here but this I know. I spent so many years with hope deferred. And I can assure you, it brought a heart sickness. Barring the unforeseen, this time I am waiting for a desire fulfilled and have good reason to believe it will be.

I needed that to gear back up for more waiting.

A couple of other verses that came to mind:

Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.
~Psalm 30:5

He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.
~Psalm 126:6

This is no longer the season of weeping. I am looking ahead to joy, a desire fulfilled.