Hope Deferred, Desires Fulfilled

By last night I was "under the wait." (I'm borrowing from the phrase "under the pain" and adapting it.) I remember during some years where I was living with chronic pain in my body, periodically I would get under it -- that sort of breaking point where I just thought I couldn't go on like that. I've seen it with a sister-in-law I walked through a couple of childbirths with -- sometimes back to back contractions, or some unexpected information would get her under the pain and it would take several contractions to get back into her rhythm.

That basically describes where I was by the end of the day yesterday with waiting to meet my baby girl face to face.

On Friday morning I had three or four hours of pre-labor contractions that were decidedly different than all the Braxton Hicks I have been having for months now. As much as I tried telling myself, "these could go away and it could still be weeks till you actually go into labor," there was no way around it. It got my hopes up.

I did okay for a couple of days, just kind of wondering if they would come back and move on to the real deal.

Then came February 29th: Leap Day. Joseph and I both realized we really like the idea of a "Leapling." And so even throughout the night before I was kind of holding my breath wondering at every twinge, "is this something more?"

And by the time we crawled into bed and it had been nothing more than an ordinary day (perhaps with a little extra fatigue), I was disheartened. Seriously bummed might be more accurate.

And then came a profound question, posed by a dear friend: "is Jesus wanting to take you back into a few of those yet-aching places as you once again find yourself waiting for a child? if so, I guarantee it is to bring you greater healing and ultimately, increasing joy."

Wow. And yes. I had no doubt the answer was yes and began to pray and ask Him about it.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life. A desire fulfilled is sweet to the soul...
~Proverbs 13:12, 19

I believe there is much to be explored here but this I know. I spent so many years with hope deferred. And I can assure you, it brought a heart sickness. Barring the unforeseen, this time I am waiting for a desire fulfilled and have good reason to believe it will be.

I needed that to gear back up for more waiting.

A couple of other verses that came to mind:

Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.
~Psalm 30:5

He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.
~Psalm 126:6

This is no longer the season of weeping. I am looking ahead to joy, a desire fulfilled.